Advice #1

Let's help her out! What would you do??

I work full time for a company that is mostly dominated by men. My boss and I are great friends and we have an awesome working relationship. I am good friends with his cute wife and have really enjoyed getting to know them. We each have an office right next to each other and are in a separate part of the building near the HR director (Scott) and some other head company guys.

Since I am the only girl around the guys like to give me a hard time, in a fun way, but every so often Scott will get out of hand and make “female bashing” comments to try and get me to react.

A little while we (my boss, Scott and I) were talking about a problem Scott knows of about a mom who didn’t like her son dating his girlfriend and how she had insulted his girlfriend in front of a bunch of girls and got emotions all involved. I related a story from when I was younger about how the mom of the guy I was dating didn’t like me and tried to get us to break up and eventually was successful.

The boy I dated went off to college and got into some trouble. The next year I attended the same college and we started dating once again. I told him that I found it funny that during that time, his mom called me and encouraged our relationship and wanted me to “help” her son. Her son ended up making even worse decisions and we eventually broke up for good. The main reason was because I had walked in on him “being intimate” with some girl. Being a good Christian girl, I was devastated. However, I did think it was funny since his mom thought that I had been so "bad" and was I really a saint compared to him... and I am no where near perfect.

I told Scott that things aren’t always what they seem and that when I ran into him a couple years later I asked him why he did that to me and he simply answered “because I respected you and knew you wouldn’t give it up.” I told them that made me feel good about myself and my morals. Scott once again started giving me crap about how girls are emotional and that I was dumb to try to help him. I finally just stopped talking to them and Scott eventually left and went back to work.

At the end of the day, my bosses ride came downstairs to pick him up. I went to school with his sister and he knows me pretty well since we work together. The minute he walked in, Scott immediately said “You should have heard the story Ann told us today about her past. She was telling us how she was giving it up for free…”

I was in my office and heard him so I immediately jumped from my desk to defend myself and said “Excuse me, I didn’t “give it up” that was the problem… quit changing the story,” and went back into my office. Then he yells, “Well if you didn’t give it up for free, how much did it cost him?”

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. He was making me out to be something I totally am not and at work in front of people who didn’t even hear the story, which to me is worse. I was upset but just sat there quietly.

My boss was shocked the Scott would say that and said “hey now, that’s not very nice,” and then everyone just sort of walked away and went home.

All of this happened on a Friday and on Monday I was still hurt by it and didn’t go to work until Tuesday afternoon. Since then I have just been in my office and haven't been interacting with the others at work. When Scott comes and stands between out offices and tries to rile me up, I will ignore him or give him a weak smile and not really even look up from my computer. It is awkward for me now and I am not sure what to do.

I loved my job before all of this. Sometimes I would get tired of being picked on, but it wasn’t too bad. Now, each night I dread the next morning and hate the drive to work. I like what I do and I like the rest of the people, but I dread seeing him… and the worst part… remember I said he is HR- Human Resources.

I related the story to my husband and he said “How do you think he would feel if I referred to his wife the way he referred to you?” I could tell he was upset too and he knows that I am hating my work right now even though I love what I do.

Am I making a big deal out of this?

Should I put on my big girl pants and just get over it?

How do you just get over it?

What would you do?


*All names have been changed